


let me (love you)

by swcnsmagic



Category: Once Upon A Time - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 04:45:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10824024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swcnsmagic/pseuds/swcnsmagic
Summary: Alternative 3x21. Emma says goodbye to Killian in Storybrooke, but not before he admits he loves her. It's not enough to make her stay.Or so they both thought.





	let me (love you)

**Author's Note:**

> The dialogue at the beginning of this one shot belongs to the writers, not me! I just adapted the scene later one where it would be interrupted by Zelena's portal opening.

"You're making a mistake," came a voice from behind.

_Of course it would be Killian._

"I don't want to talk to you about this," Emma huffed.

Killian stepped forwards tentatively. "Don't listen to me. Listen to your son. He thought this might remind you, of what you're leaving behind — your family."

"Henry is my family, and I am taking him where he is safe," she muttered and shook her head.

"No, Swan. The safety-first nonsense is just that," he responded with a dry laugh. "You defeated the bloody wicked witch. You defeated Pan. You broke the curse. And you keep running. What are you looking for?" He didn't sound angry, just confused.

"Home," Emma said quietly.

"And that's in New York? That wasn't real," he reminded her.

"The last year was."

"They were false memories. It was based on magical nonsense." Killian was almost pleading at this point, pleading for her to see through his remarks to understand that he needed her to stay.

"Now we have our memories back. Now we can make it real," Emma said bluntly.

"Why can't you do that here with your entire family?" Killian demanded.

"Because of this," she said, and reached for the storybook. "I don't see my family here. I see... fairy tales. I see stories of princes and princesses. It's not me. I was never a part of any of this," Emma sighed heavily. She wanted Killian to understand that this wasn't who she was; she wasn't part of his world. She couldn't fit in, and it had been that way ever since she was a child in the foster system.

There was still no traces of anger in Killian's voice as he pressed on. "Then what are you a part of, Swan?"

"Besides being with Henry, I don't think I've ever been a part of anything," she said honestly. It was as close to the truth as she was willing to reveal to him.

"But you could be," he replied wistfully.

Sighing before she responded, Emma debated whether she should tell him, but knew he wouldn't stop until she did. "Look, when I was a kid, I ran away. It's just what I did. But the first time I did it, I had the exact same thought. I wondered, "what if I'm making a mistake? What if I miss this place?""

"Did you?"

"Not the first time. Not anytime."

"So you just... keep running." Killian could understand where she was coming from; he wasn't too different from her in that sense. What he didn't understand was why Emma refused to try and see what he so desperately wanted her to know.

"I learned something a long time ago, Hook. Home is the place when you leave, you just miss it. So yeah, I'm gonna keep running until I feel that." Emma looked away from his gaze, not able to face the pain she knew was there.

"So you're just going to leave your parents, then," he said as a matter of factly. "Don't you even care about them? Or anyone in this town?" _Don't you care about me?_ he wanted to scream.

"Of course I care. I just have to do what's right for me and Henry and —"

"Then let me at least say something before you leave, Swan," he pleaded.

"And what's that?" she near-demanded.

This isn't how he wanted to tell her. He wanted it to be in a much calmer situation, one where he was not afraid of losing her. But he figured that if she truly did have her heart set on leaving, then he would not get another chance, and hell if he was going to miss this one.

"I'm in love with you," Killian whispered, barely audibly, but Emma couldn't have heard the words clearer if he had shouted them.

Painful seconds passed as Emma reflected on those five simple words. Five words and her head was spinning in all directions, unable to establish what was up and what was down.

 _'He doesn't love you',_ a voice whispered in the chaos of her mind, _'he's just trying to get you to stay.'_

' _But what if it's true?_ ' another voice argued, ' _what if he really does want you to stay, and not only for your parents?_ '

The thoughts and her short breaths combined were threatening to strangle her. Emma Swan did not do love, plain and simple. Too many strings, too much risk of another heartbreak, one that this time she feared she would not survive. Neal had ruined her chances of ever finding another love, forcing her to become closed off and prickly to those who tried to get close. Most men got the idea and stayed well away from her. But not Killian fucking Jones.

The infuriating pirate had been persistent in his attempts to break through her walls, and despite her best efforts, he had succeeded.

"Killian... I can't... I don't know how to love," she breathed quietly. _Damn this pirate if he stops me from leaving._

"Aye, love, I know. I also know this won't stop you from leaving," he said with a sad smile.

"Why tell me if you knew it wouldn't change anything?" Emma asked, genuinely confused.

Killian looked contemplative for a few seconds. "Perhaps it was because I was clinging to a string of hope that you might change your mind. Or maybe because I couldn't let you go without telling you the truth," he sighed.

"You know I can't stay, Killian. This place, it's... it's not where Henry belongs," she said gently. Killian didn't fail to notice how she only mentioned how Henry didn't belong here. She didn't mention herself not belonging.

"I know, love. It was just a mere hope I had."

"I'm sorry."

"It's quite alright, Swan. But would you at least spare me a goodbye kiss before we part ways?" Another sad smile adorned his face, eyes showing rejection and something close to heartbreak, but Emma refused to acknowledge it. She couldn't let this stop her.

Not having the words to respond, she leaned towards him and pressed her lips softly to his. She felt his hand come up to the back of her head, stroking the blonde tresses reverently. Killian was determined to memorise as much as he could of the way she tasted, (of spice and cinnamon) how soft her hair was, (extraordinarily) what her perfume smelled of, (some wild flowers) anything he could store in the memories he would keep.

Unknowingly, Emma was doing the same thing. He tasted of rum, smelled of leather and salt and his stubble was rough but not unpleasantly so. She didn't realise that if she left, she might just miss him too.

Before it all got too much, however, Emma broke the kiss gently. She dropped her gaze once more, still afraid to look into his eyes and see what she knew existed and scared the hell out of her.

"Goodbye, Killian," she said with a small smile. And with that, she got up from the bench and walked away from him.

* * *

 

Goodbyes to her parents and the rest of the townsfolk Emma was fond of had been tearful, but still not enough to change her mind. Now she and Henry were sat in the Bug, headed for the town line, and their life back in New York.

"You ready, kid?" Emma asked to Henry, who was sat with the storybook in his lap.

"Sure, mom," was his reply. He didn't elaborate, which was unlike Henry.

"Something wrong?" Henry had the same contemplative face as Killian did before he spoke.

"Are you sure you're making the right decision?"

Taken aback, Emma asked, "what makes you say that?"

"You're leaving everything behind," he said simply, "like Killian."

Emma was even more startled at this statement. Henry had somehow noticed she was slightly off-character, and immediately linked it to her leaving Killian behind. Not her parents, not the town itself, but Killian.

"What's Killian got to do with any of this?" she said nonchalantly.

A smile appeared on Henry's face; a knowing one. "He loves you, doesn't he? You know he loves you and now you're running because you're scared. It's okay, mom. I understand."

The reality of his analogy hit Emma, hard. If anyone else had tried to tell her what her son just had, she would have dismissed it. But Henry telling her was different.

"How did you know?"

"Really, mom? Anyone can see he's in love with you. Anyone but you," he chuckled. Once again, her teenage son was right.

"I'm making a mistake, aren't I?" Emma asked and shook her head. Henry just shrugged.

"Do what's right for you, not me." Flashing him a smile, Emma nodded and slowed the car down, coming to a stop just before the town line.

"I'm making a mistake," is all she said before turning around.

* * *

 

Emma hurriedly dropped Henry with her parents and Regina, promising to explain their return later. Her subconscious seemed to know her next destination before she was fully aware of where she was headed.

The docks.

Walking briskly, bordering on a jog, Emma thought about what this would mean if she faced Killian. She pondered on what she would say when she showed up; wondering if he would make the first move or if it would be her.

_I'm in love with you._

The words played over and over in her head, the same amount of sincerity lacing the sentence each time, just as it had when the words were spoken aloud. A small part of Emma was still scared witless when she thought about it.

_Love has been all too rare in your life, hasn't it?_

_Try something new, darling. It's called trust._

_When I win your heart, Emma, and I will win it, it will not be because of any trickery. It will be because you want me._

So many of their moments together came to her in a blur, and it suddenly dawned on her. She didn't know how she didn't see it before, or perhaps she did and was just too stubborn to admit it.

But the truth was, Emma was in love with Killian too.

The scent of salt and the cool breeze alerted her to her surroundings. Staring her dead in the face was the _Jolly Roger_ itself. Killian's _home_.

With shaky hands and tentative steps, Emma climbed aboard the deck. She scanned the platform for any sign of the pirate, but didn't see him anywhere. A scuffling below her feet startled her, and moments later the hatch that lead to the captain's quarters flew open. A head full of raven hair came into view, followed by heavy footsteps as he climbed the ladder. Frozen to the spot, all Emma could do was swallow harshly as piercing blue eyes met her gaze. Confusion, joy and surprise flashed simultaneously across them, and a slight smile tugged on the corner of his lips.

"Did you forget something, Swan?" was the statement that began the conversation.

Briefly dropping her gaze, Emma's breath hitched in her throat. "You could say that," she said. Killian was about to respond, but Emma got there before him. "I came back."

Nodding, Killian said, "I can see that."

Emma fumbled with her jacket zipper, unsure on how to advance. "I thought about what you said," she blurted out.

Genuine shock flew across Killian's face, with a hopeful look taking up residence in its stead. "Which part would that be, love?"

Emma's heart was thudding wildly in her chest, it almost hurt. She wasn't used to this; she couldn't speak openly about her feelings. "The part where... I mean... you..." she stammered.

Gently, Killian prompted her. "The part where I admitted I was in love with you? Please forgive me, Swan, it was too hasty of me to say that," he said sheepishly.

Emma couldn't have hated herself more for allowing him to doubt himself. "No! Killian, that's not what I meant," she cried. Gods above, she was terrible at this.

"What exactly did you mean, then?" Killian took a few steps closer to her, approaching slowly, as if she was a skittish animal who could bolt at any point.

Now or never, Emma.

Courage surged through her, strengthening her. Taking advantage of the feeling while it lasted, she finally said what she had wanted to say since she came back to Storybrooke. "I'm in love with you, too." She watched Killian's face transform in front of her. Love and adoration shone from his eyes, and his smile so wide and genuine it made Emma's heart stutter, in the good way.

"Emma, are you... are you sure?" he breathed. Smiling, she nodded furiously.

"It took me time to realise it, but, yes, Killian. I'm sure."

Words failing him for the first time in his life, he resorted to seizing her by the waist and bringing his lips to hers. Their kiss earlier on in the day had been chaste, full of unspoken words of love. This kiss was different in many ways. For starters, it held equal amounts of passion, love and desire from both sides. Killian was kissing her like his life depended on it, tongue tracing the seam of her lips and finally slipping through to explore her mouth. All of the love he had stashed away for her was flowing out in that moment, and Emma was happy to receive all of it.

Finally breaking for air, Killian leaned his forehead against Emma's. "I've wanted to do that since Neverland, Swan."

"Thank you for waiting, Killian," came her reply.

"I'd wait forever for you, Emma. I promise." Every part of her believed him.

"Killian?" she breathed.

"Yes, love?"

Swallowing briefly, Emma continued. "Will you show me how much you love me?"

He looked stunned, to say the least. Honestly, Killian had wanted Emma from the start, admittedly in the beginning just for a quick fuck. But as time passed and he began to break through her walls, he knew he wanted so much more. And like he just said, he was willing to wait forever for her, if it meant he got to have her in his arms at the end of it. "Emma, are you saying what I think you're saying?" Killian asked, still in disbelief. She looked up at him, a twinge of panic about being rejected despite his admission shooting through her.

"Sorry, it's too soon, I know. Forget I said anything."

"Darling, I would love to show you how much I love you. Don't doubt yourself," he said hurriedly, scared that he'd upset her.

"You would?"

"Aye, love. It's one of my greatest wishes," he smiled.

"Show me," she breathed. With that, Killian was guiding Emma both in a kiss and towards the hatch to his cabin. Reluctantly, he let her clamber down the ladder, though he followed swiftly behind her. He cupped her face with his hand and settled his hook at her waist the second he was in the cabin with her, capturing her lips in another bone-melting kiss.

"Let me take care of you, darling. Let me show you how much I love you," he mumbled against her lips. Nodding feebly in response, Emma gasped quietly as his lips trailed from her mouth to her jaw, and further down her neck until he reached her collarbone. Taking the hint, she shrugged off her jacket and allowed it to fall to the floor behind her. Killian sucked a light mark into her collarbone, which would likely end up being a dark purple by the time their tryst was over.

"Killian, gods..." she breathed.

"That's it, darling, let me hear you. Let me make you feel good," he whispered against her skin.

His hand dropped from her face to the hem of her shirt, tugging lightly to give her a hint. Obliging, Emma lifted her arms above her head so he could undress her. Throwing the shirt to join her jacket, Killian stood before Emma and admired her barely-covered form. Her milky skin was contrasted strikingly with a black lace garment that encased her breasts, and Killian almost imploded at the sight.

"Bloody gorgeous," he murmured, before ducking his head to her neck, sucking another mark there, before travelling south and reaching the swells of her breasts. Small gasps and quiet moans escaped Emma's lips, and her breathing became increasingly shallow and hitched frequently.

"Do you know how long I've wanted this, Swan?" he growled against her cleavage. "Since the bloody beginning. Since we climbed that damned beanstalk."

Emma knew this, but having the words spoken aloud was a reassurance. Back then, she assumed the way he looked at her was purely out of his lust for her. And, in a way, it was. But as their companionship developed and grew, Emma chose to look away from the looks he gave her that were no longer just lust.

They were longing, and yearning, and hopeful.

"I'm sorry I... _shit_ , Killian," she gasped as he bit down roughly on her fluttering pulse point. "I'm sorry I pushed you away for so long."

Soothing the soon-to-be bruise with his tongue, Killian hummed in approval at her response. Looking back up to her in earnest, he smiled gently.

"Swan, I care not for an apology. It's in the past, and we're here now. That's all that matters." She nods and returns his smile, grateful that he understands. Standing up on her toes, she leans in close to his ear and whispers quietly.

"I remember you saying you were going to make me feel good." Emma revelled in the shiver that ran down Killian's spine. Pulling back, she locked eyes with his, and she could see that the usually watery-blue irises were now a dangerous, stormy colour.

"I intend to, darling, believe me," he growled hoarsely. Gripping her waist, he tugged at her jeans, hinting at her to removed them. Smirking, she quickly obliged, and was now standing before him in only her underwear. Killian's features visably softened at this reveal; never had he seen a more beautiful sight. For all their tough exteriors, both Emma and Killian were warmer behind their walls. She shifted under his gaze, starting to grow uncomfortable at his assessment.

"Killian?" she whispered. Snapping from his trance, his eyes darted back to hers.

"You, Emma, are absolutely breathtaking," he breathed. A coy smile spread across her face.

"And you, Killian, are overdressed."

"Care to help with that, love?" he winked.

"Happy to," she smirked back. Her hands were pushing his heavy leather jacket from his shoulders instantly, while his hand went to the laces of his pants. The fire that had once burned softly and almost unnoticeably was now an inferno; it was blinding and passionate and showed no signs of ever dying down. Neither of them wanted it to.

The next moments were a blur, but Emma was lying on her back on Killian's bunk, having discarded her undergarments in a haste. Killian had also finished undressing, and was hovering over her.

"Are you sure about this, Swan?" he rasped. As much as he wanted her, (gods, it was painful, quite literally) he took pride in being a gentleman and would not push her if she was not truly willing.

"Please, Killian," she whimpered, "I need you. I need this." A salacious smirk adorned his features; it was a trademark that Emma had grown to love.

No more words were said from that point on, (not coherent ones, at least) as Killian settled his head between the legs he loved so much. When the flat of his tongue made contact with her aching flesh for the first time, Emma let out something bordering a sob of relief. His strokes were quick and targeted; slow was not in the cards for tonight. _Maybe in the morning_ , she mused.

And, god help her, the man really knew what to do with his tongue and fingers. Slowly, he began pumping two fingers in and out of her, stretching her in ways she had never felt before. The addition of his rings pressing against her walls was different, but certainly not unwelcome. His speed increased, and his tongue flicked over her clit once, twice, before waves of pleasure were crashing down over her, suffocating her.

For minutes, the only sounds that filled the room were the ones of Emma's laboured breathing and small moans every now and then. In her bliss, she didn't notice Killian crawling back up her body until he was aligned at her entrance. She could feel him; hot and heavy and thick and hard, just waiting for his moment.

"Alright, Emma?" he asked.

"Never better. Please, just take me," she begged. Emma Swan never begged, not for anyone.

But Killian was changing things.

With one swift thrust, Killian buried himself in her aching heat, relishing the feel of her tight walls enveloping him.

"Oh, _Emma_ ," he breathed. He knew she would be glorious in bed, but nothing had prepared him for the reality of it.

"Killian, please, _move_ ," she whined.

Happy to comply, he started with languid strokes and thrusts, wanting to take his time with her. But his resolve began to slip quickly, and Emma's hips bucking against his own was the final straw. The sound of skin slapping against skin was ringing in their ears, as was the moans of each other's pleasure.

Killian captured her lips with his, leading them in a searing kiss that matched the passion of their lovemaking. "I waited so long, Emma, so long for you," he said against her lips.

"And you stayed," she said back.

"Don't push me away again. I beg of you, let me stay."

"I won't."

The small declaration was enough to send Emma flying into oblivion once more; Killian followed quickly as her walls clamped around his cock. As he came, his hips stuttered and faltered slightly, before he slipped out from her heat and laid beside her.

His hand went to her waist possessively, running his fingertips over the places he knew would have bruises come the morning.

"I won't leave you, Emma. I swear it. Just let me stay with you," he pleaded. Touched by his voice and words, a lump formed in Emma's throat.

"I promise, Killian. I love you."

Any doubt that may still have been lingering in his mind was immediately swept away at her words.

"I love you, Emma. I have for a long time, you must know," he said in awe.

Exhaustion was setting in, fast, and Emma could only nod in response. Killian held her close, his heart swelling at the fact that he was finally holding her in his arms.

She stayed. For that night, and every night after. And so did he.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! kudos and comments fuel my muse, and I've been much more active lately so I would appreciate reviews!


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